This week saw the release of the Eastwood inquiry report on the ‘Use and Misuse of Holograms in Education’. Professor Sir Harry Eastwood, who is no stranger to government inquiries and is known for his uncompromising stance on difficult issues, said that he was always called upon by the government to sort out the most difficult problems’. “It’s a question of methods. Everybody wants results, but nobody wants to do what they have to do to get them done”. True to form he has produced a hard hitting report.
A 'black hole' of deceit.
Suspicions that fake hologram lectures have swamped education in colleges and universities in the Former UK States have now been confirmed. This seems to be a worldwide problem and the activities of the Alliance of Independent Providers (AIPs) are coming under most scrutiny. They manage over 6000 institutions world-wide and with more than 300 in England alone they are the leading provider. However, it now seems that they rely to a large extent on sharing broadcasts of hologram lectures by leading scientists and academics across their institutions. There had been rumours circulating for years that some of these ‘live’ lectures might have been recorded and even tampered with. Although popular, students began to question the content and reliability of the information they were receiving. These suspicions came to a head earlier this year when students at the AIP University of Middle England lodged complaints about one lecture. Many could not understand the logic being used when attending a ‘live’ hologram broadcast from an elderly professor on the origins of black holes in space. In a dubious ‘German’ accent he declared that he was over 190 years old and was reappraising his earlier theories regarding the relationship between mass and energy. He explained that M=EC2 and that was how a large mass could be generated in ‘black holes’ using minimal energy input and why they failed to emit light. Eastwood has confirmed that this was one of many similar incidences. It turns out that variations of the same lecture had been broadcast ‘live’ regularly for over two years across many providers. We sought a response from Virginia Fox, The CEO of the University of Middle England and she indicated she had no knowledge of this specific practice. However, she did say that we should embrace these valuable experiences since “Life is not a series of holograms symmetrically arranged; life is a luminous halo, a semi-transparent envelope surrounding us from the beginning of consciousness to the end.” She then laughed and flounced off no doubt savouring the 'valuable' experience.
How had things gone so wrong?
The first hologram lectures were tested as far back as 2018 in London before the ‘incident’. They were hailed as a great success in opening up wider access to everyone who wished to be educated. The later invention of the ultra-compression Virtual Hologram System (VHS) at Dunedin University in Edinburgh made the previously cumbersome system more useable across the sector. This enabled hologram lectures and speeches to be broadcast easily across the existing ultra-interweb broadband. The fatal flaw in the system lay in the ease with which broadcasts could be altered. A high definition data profile of the lecturer is sent as a binary package prior to a live transmission. The streaming data for the transmission only has to make limited changes to movement of the image and sound during the broadcast. This latter feature made it possible to update transmissions easily over time and to reuse earlier recordings that could be adapted to pose as contemporary ‘live’ transmissions.
Student activists uncover the truth.
A student activist group called the ‘Holocrap Warriors’ has worked secretly underground for several years with their lecturers to subvert the educational system that they saw as corrupt. They used the convenient VHS technology to illustrate what can and does happen. The result was a series of spoof hologram lecture recordings emerging from their group. The shock was that most of them were readily embraced by the sector and went unnoticed. Despite lectures that radically rewrote history, it seems that students were accepting the altered ‘facts’. Lectures on the various ‘causes’ of the ‘incident’, and how it related to the third term of the Trump presidency earlier in the century, became popular despite their dubious content and provenance. However, the Holocrap Warriors had more success with science lectures that eventually became so outrageous that they could not be ignored since they were based upon false logic and not subjective interpretation.
Impersonating students revealed.
Surprisingly, the Eastwood inquiry has uncovered another practice that was unexpected. A second incident emerged during the last academic year that further raised suspicions. The University of Middle England has held a contract with the government for three years to supply degree level education for selected students that have the right qualifications but failed to find a place in one of the Russell Provider Group Universities. This arose because of a strict cap on numbers funded through government. As a result, observers from the regulatory body, the Office for Learner Provision (OfLP), attended some lectures at the university. One observer, who wishes to remain anonymous, told the inquiry that, “the visit was going very well and I had been treated to a fine lunch with the best French wine and brandy”. However, he noticed something odd later that afternoon at a lecture for over 100 students. A student at the back resembled one that he had met the week before in London. The observer noted, “He was very distinctive with his red tartan cap and bright red hair and I would have recognised him anywhere”. When he greeted the student, the hologram image flickered and disappeared. It turned out that all of the ‘students’ were hologram generated images. The inquiry uncovered that the vast campus had only 23 students on site that day and several thousand of those ‘enrolled’ were not identifiable as having attended any course. The observer had been the subject of an elaborate illusion throughout his visit and he had simply witnessed a lecture by a hologram lecturer to a room full of hologram students.
The OfLP is now conducting a separate co-investigation with the police to determine if any fraud has been committed. If this is the case it will surely become the main ‘Front Page’ news in the next few days.
By our crime correspondent Hildebrand 'Lemmon' Johnson
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