Triumphant SCAM Party Conference 2069

Sunday October six 2069

The Socialist Conservative Alliance Movement (SCAM) Party Conference ended today on a high note.  It held its first triumphant party conference since forming the government. They were gathered in the massive Ultra Conference Centre in Cardington, near Bedford New Town, having swept into government across three of the FUKS states in May. The impressive size of the conference was only matched by the massive halls that were formally used to construct huge airships in the last century. This was the only indoor conference venue that could be used to accommodate the 25,000 delegates expected.  Refurbished ten years ago, Cardington UCC is the most modern and spacious centre of its kind in the Western European Confederation States (WECS).

A speech to end all speeches.
Prime Minister Margaret May delivered one of the greatest final day conference speeches of our times to a packed hall. She savaged the aspirations and record of the last government in typically brutal style. No stone was left unthrown as she condemned Norman Larage’s administration to the “composter of history”. “Larage and his rabid acolytes have been rumbled finally. No more threats to our western European neighbours by his Isolation Secretaries Boris Barking and Ronnie Robinson (Latterly Education Secretary) as we enter a new era….. The referendum on FUKSEXIT will never happen as the people have spoken”.  She reserved particular vitriol for the former Home Enforcement Secretary, Oswald Mosstone. “Mosstone is rolling no more. He and his irregular police will gather innocent people’s fauna no more. His fear tactics and network of surveillance will be dismantled”.  Student activists that long opposed Larage and Mosstone rose in unison and applauded loudly.

The education revolution.
The education brief of Re-education Minister, Karl Corbyn Junior III was to reinforce the commitment of the government to life-long learning, “from the incubator to the composter”. All citizens in the FUKS would be registered for compulsory re-education from ages two to sixty by the end of 2069 (see earlier Timeline 2069 ‘Radical lifelong leaning plans announced’). The speed of enactment of the legislation has astounded most observers. He announced that he would deploy the latest AI machines in government and the massive ‘Two Brains’ organic computer in Birmingham to check and model every aspect of the ‘Re-Education Bill’.  The original idea harks back to the failed attempt to introduce a National Education Service earlier this century. The ‘incident’ of 2019 meant that it was shelved along with many other social measures.

Now everyone will be compelled to register and engage in education for 20 hours per week. The will be allocated a National Access Number or NAN that will help them access resources online. He launched the slogan “Bored? Need someone to help? There’s always your NAN”.  This move is made possible by enforcing fully the WECS ‘Leisure Time Directive’ that limits working to 20 hours per week. To counter the increasing boredom, the SCAM plan is to direct everyone into more useful education. 

Oldman review revisited.
One aspect of the policy is driven by a detailed assessment of the workforce carried out two years ago in the little publicised Oldman Review. Prior to the ‘incident’ it was generally assumed that university and college provider academics were isolated from society and needed to ‘get out more’. They were subsequently forced to work outside of their academic environment for at least three months every year from 2022. This practice has persisted as a loose, and generally unregulated arrangement, since then. It also led to the university and college provider employers assuming their staff had independent earnings for three months of the year, even if they did not. This was a ruse to pay them for only nine months per year and cut costs. Under Sir Henry Oldman (93), the review concluded that the precise reverse was the case. Most university staff had worked hard to keep abreast of the radical modern developments. He called them the “Repositories of memory and wisdom and not just mere dictionaries”. He noted that “We must make up our minds to be ignorant of much, if we would know anything. Academics are a good example of this and are at the leading edge of ideas about social changes, science and new technologies”. In contrast, Oldman concluded that most of the workforce, that had qualified years earlier, carried on with what they knew from then and had little or no input of new ideas or training over time. This was particularly pronounced in senior managers in industry and commerce, as well as leading politicians, who had only a vague understanding of the novel developments emerging around them. The Oldman review recommended a radical reversal of the situation and compulsory re-education of everyone on a rolling basis throughout their working lives.

A new beginning for the SCAM Party.
The SCAM Party has its origins just after the ‘incident’ in 2019. An attempt was made to form a coalition between the then Labour and Conservative Parties to challenge the rise of extreme nationalism.  The party was first called the Socialist Conservative United Momentum Party or SCUM Party. This initiative failed to materialise in the chaos post ‘incident’. Instead an unruly parliament was inhabited by a series of independent MPs who were lobbying for one or other populist cause. With a series of minority governments trying to rule in this atmosphere, it became anarchic. For example, one important bill on social housing proposed by SCUM in 2026 could only be passed it if included free ice cream for all children on bank holidays demanded by three independent MPs.

The inevitable rise of extreme nationalism from this chaos came about when the FUKS joined the Western European Confederate States (WECS). Nationalists protesters tried to stop the Confederation forming and bitterly opposed the WECS headquarters being established in Dublin. Called the Former UK States Isolation Party or FUKSI Party, they rose slowly to dominate every facet of government. Under charismatic Norman Larage, they finally took their seats as a majority government ten years ago. This was with the help of their sister party, the Northern Ireland Homeland Isolation League or NIHIL party (a breakaway group from the now disbanded DUP that ruled before the ‘incident’). For the last ten years, FUKSIP has strained relations with WECS to breaking point. The FUKSI demise came in the last election when they promised to hold a referendum on membership of WECS if they were returned as the government in 2069. This was their undoing and was marked by the Isolation Secretary, Boris Barking, stating that “WECS is a betrayal of the people and I will run naked through a field of corn if we do not leave”.  Some observers think this finally swung the electorate to the SCAM cause eager for a good laugh. The elections in May were held simultaneously for the FUKS parliament and the governments of all of the FUK states independently. With the exception of Northern Ireland, who returned another NIHIL government, the SCAM Party had a landslide victory in all states. This is unprecedented and cements in place a government that can now take the country forward to forge greater links for most of the FUKS across the WECS.

And finally.
At the end of conference, Margaret May led the singing of the now traditional anthem of the SCAM party, ‘Dancing Queen’ composed by a popular Swedish combo, Abba, in the last century. The origins of this tradition remain unknown but some believe it goes back to an obscure event in pre ‘incident’ times. The delegates were in on their feet at once and singing and dancing along to the music. They swept from the hall at the end, still dancing and singing, into the Bedford New Town facilities and surrounding cornfields.

Amidst the immense joy, the now veteran journalist and commentator, Owen Jones, was heard to remark.

We all voted for them, sure what harm can they do?  Time will tell.

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